Rules of dating
I was talking to a friend who has recently gone through a breakup with her boyfriend. In part of making sense of it all, she started to recount some of the things that just didn’t feel right to her. It was soon clear to all of us her ex had no idea of the rules of dating. This man definitely was not a modern gent.
1. Be strong and independant
Never be argumentative, but always stand up for yourself. Your date will always push the boundaries of your relationship. If you take the firm but fair approach – you will never go far wrong. The best way you can do this is to listen to your date and if a decision has to be made – be bold and make it. Never get into the ‘I can’t be bothered – you decide’ state of mind.
2. Give her space between dates
No matter how much you are bowled over by your date, nobody finds a needy man attractive. Ask what the boundaries are and stick to them. Do not get me wrong, I don’t subscribe to the ‘treat ’em mean, keep ’em keen’ philosophy. You should be making an effort to call her and take her out as often as possible. Do not however discuss your plans to move in with her after your first night out. It has a feel of desperation about it that can’t be good for your self-esteem.
3. Treat every date like the first
Your date is there because you make her feel a certain way. You are also setting expectations for the future. If your first date is an amazing day trip to Paris, but in 6 months your idea of a good night out is trip to the local pub, expect her to voice her disappointment at the thought of a night out. If you set the bar high – great, but remember it is your responsibility to maintain that standard.
4. A gentleman always pays
Always…. Even in a modern world where your date will be an independent strong woman – a gentleman always pays. It is what makes the art of dating something special. I am not talking about your utilities bill, I am talking about the special evenings you spend with your date. Even if you find yourself in the situation where you don’t have the money to take her to your ‘usual’ special restaurant, you can suprise her with a romantic walk and a bottle of wine somewhere romantic. Even if all you do is buy coffee – a gentleman always pays.
5. Girls just want to have fun
You might think your date is content following you and your friends to the local football match, and if that is her thing – you would be in luck. However, if she is only coming because it makes you happy – you would be wise to remember this: ‘Girls just want to have fun’. Make sure your nights out have taken your dates interests/likes & dislikes into consideration. In fact, you should take this a step further and ensure most of your nights out are centred around your date. I am not for one second you should do things you don’t like to make your partner happy – far from it, just don’t expect her to either. Too many men plan evenings they like without paying attention to their partner.
6. Oh and a final point….
No matter how long you have been in a relationship, regardless of whether you are on your first date or you have been married for 30 years – the rules of dating still apply.
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Tom Ford – 5 steps to being a modern gentlemanApril 25th, 2011
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